I Don't Know How to Ride A Bike... <BR>(and other ramblings): February 2006

I Don't Know How to Ride A Bike...
(and other ramblings)

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Interlude II

I realize that I don't really talk about myself on this blog. I just find it hard to come up with things that might interest others about me; in fact, whenever I have to introduce myself and say a little something, I feel very silly, and it takes me about five hours to come up with three sentences. It's easier for me to use this space to talk smack about people I don't know. But hey, I'm equal opportunity, so I suppose I can also use this space to talk smack about myself (for a limited time only).

So here are twenty-one random and useless facts about me.

1. My father is Vietnamese, and my mother is Chinese. They both lived in Vietnam before immigrating to a small suburb in Italy. On a fine spring day, I was born. We lived in Italy for seven years before coming to Toronto.

2. Even though I was exposed to many different languages at an early age, I can't speak Vietnamese, Cantonese, or Italian fluently, although I might lie about it on my resume.

3. I am the youngest of three children. So that means that I am both babied and spoiled.

4. I've needed glasses since the ninth grade, but I never wear them, or contacts for that matter. This kind of sucks when I need to find someone in a crowd, or when I want to check out what someone has ordered at another table. This is because I am vain and stupid.

5. I have a goofy smile. And when I laugh, I guffaw.

6. Most of my close friends, who have known me for years, think I don't know how to run because they've never seen me exert myself in any way. But in grade school, I did track and field for several years, and placed second in the triple jump and 400m relay race. Then my lazy gene set in, and that was that.

7. I am generous, but I don't know how to share. This means that if I am having dinner at a restaurant with you, I won't share my ribs, but I will buy you your own.

8. I have a freakishly good memory for conversations and small details, but I suck at memory games like "Simon."

9. Excellent grammar and spelling turn me on. Inappropriate apostrophes, overzealous emoticons, abbreviations for words that are less than five letters long, and "should of" instead of "should've" do not.

10. I am like Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde when it comes to being tidy. I have neat penmanship and can't stand dishes strewn about. But my bedroom might scare small children.

11. My sister and I both have two moles on our cheeks, in roughly the exact same spot.

12. In addition to not knowing how to ride a bike, I also don't know how to: papier mache, skateboard, whistle, crochet, play the drums, and grow a vegetable garden.

13. I don't like sweets, and have dessert about once every three months.

14. I also don't like shopping. I still wear running shoes that I purchased eight years ago, and sometimes curl up in a ball and weep softly when I am in a mall.

15. My brother and sister are both very good at visual arts. Unfortunately, I am not. And by "not," I mean that I am a disaster. I have been known to cause riots with my sucky art. The only reason I passed my one art class in high school was because I was good at mixing colours. And I also slept with the teacher.

16. When I watch television, I am very annoying because I need to comment on everything that I see. Ben hates watching television with me, unless it's "American Idol," because he likes it when I yell at the contestants and Simon Cowell. Also because he doesn't like watching "American Idol," and it passes the time.

17. My favourite condiment is barbecue sauce. My favourite vegetable is the potato. My favourite herb is rosemary. My favourite salad dressing is sundried tomato, although honey mustard vinaigrette is a close second. And yes, it is alarming that I spend my time thinking about these things.

18. I have a horrible poker face. When I actually bet on a hand, everyone knows that I have something and fold.

19. I always did well in school, but I am an underachiever (and not proud of it).

20. I have a B.A. in Psychology. It took me about forty years to earn it.

21. I have unnaturally large feet, and my thumbnails are not the same size.

Monday, February 13, 2006

My C.o.W., Part II

I know he's a dog. And he doesn't talk. And he's not real. But my love for him is there, nonetheless.

This week's C.o.W. is Gromit, the plasticine canine that has starred in three shorts and the animated feature, Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit. He's the strong, silent type, and I like that.

But Gromit has many layers.

He's a great thinker.

But he's also very sly. Nothing gets by him.

He's polite, and rocks a baseball cap.

He's an accomplished chef who always keeps a stocked fridge.

And has a champion green thumb.

He's an elegant dancer.

An expert marksman.

And is king of his workshop. Bonus points for his strict adherence to workplace safety.

He's determined and strong.

A graceful athlete.

An experienced pilot.

Who's not afraid to show who's boss once in a while.

But despite it all, Gromit isn't above showing us his sensitive side. Seriously, who can resist those puppy dog eyes?

More seriously, this is just a plug for Wallace & Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit. Although it's been marketed as a kid's film, the film can be enjoyed by children and adults alike (and also: adults that sometimes regress, like me). The humour isn't the most subtle at times, but the film works. Most of all, though, I'm in awe of the superb clay animation, which is worth watching the film for alone.

And, I must admit: Once in a while, I can't resist a happy ending.