Why will.i.am Sucks: Reason #345
To recap reason #343:
To recap reason #344:
And now, reason #345:
As some of you may already know, will.i.am has started his own label under A&M/Interscope. His label will be responsible for putting out Fergie's solo effort in the fall, and will.i.am is currently hard at work in the studios with Snoop Dogg, P. Diddy, and Nas. "My ultimate goal is bigger than me putting [a record] out on my label," he said in an interview with Billboard Magazine. "I want to make sure the product is marketed correctly. For records to succeed and impact lifestyle it takes more than just a producer's mind, it takes a person who understands the marketplace and the consumer and a person who is participating in the lifestyle."
Um, okay. So that must explain why one of will.i.am's newest artists is none other than Tila Tequila.
Tila Tequila is, according to numerous sources, the most popular girl on the giant soul-sucking abyss that is MySpace. She has received over 245 million hits on her blog since first joining MySpace, and has been featured on MNSBC, Stuff Magazine, MTV's "TRL," and "Extra!," just to name a few. She's also appeared in Playboy as the "Cyber Girl of the Month," if that helps to explain anything about her popularity. She's a new breed of celebrity -- one that is born in cyberspace and makes you kind of wonder why anyone bothers to work anymore or try to find the cure for cancer.
As Tila (née Tila Nguyen), and anyone who knows her personally or has read her MySpace bio, will tell you, she's had a hard life and turned to alcohol and drugs to ease the pain. After her insane partying days, Tila decided to channel her energy into music. If you take a look at her very well-put-together MySpace page, you'll get a sample of some of her previously recorded singles. Personally, "Fuck Ya Man" grew on me, if only because it's the first song on her MySpace player, and the damn stop and pause buttons are disabled. Nevertheless, it's too soon to tell if Tila's got the singing chops to make it in this fickle business.
But a recent report suggests that she does have the gusto to make it in this cutthroat business after all. From MSN Entertainment: "I was walking to my car and these five f*cking girls drove by in an SUV and shouted, 'Are you a stripper?'" explained Tequila, who was Playboy's first Asian Cyber Girl of the Month and known for her skimpy wardrobe. "I snapped. I chased them down, blocked them with my car, got out, took a glass vase I had with me, and smashed one of the girls with it. This was during rush hour in the middle of the street, so I got out of there fast. I'm not gonna lie, it felt pretty damn good to shut her *ss up." So there isn't much remorse, but where did the anger come from? "There is a rage inside me," said Tequila (no kidding, the girl whose head got smashed would probably agree). "I grew up battling," continued the singer who was raised in a small Buddhist gated community in Houston until she was sent off to boarding school at 16. "I had to protect myself and fight for myself. I had no role models my family was pretty messed up and I had to fend for myself."
You mean, she used to rap in the mean streets of Detroit? Okay, I know what she means by "battling," but the image of Tila going up on stage to rap in a toque with a dread-locked Mekhi Phifer by her side was a better vision than a girl getting beat up with a glass vase by a 5' angry Vietnamese (and 1/4 French) girl. Daaamn. I think Tila's channeling Shannen Doherty, but in a good way, although I think Shannen would advise Tila to leave the cutting for when she's at a club -- pedestrian fights are so beneath her.
If this is what will.i.am means by "understanding the consumer," then we and Tila's 1,000,000+ fans might be on the same page. Although it's a weak attempt at capitalizing on her unrelated cyberspace popularity, it might just work in will.i.am's favour. Or maybe he should be concentrating on artists who have already proven their talents beyond putting a couple of rhymes together (not to knock Tila, but from what she's got on her MySpace, her future songs might need some producing miracles), and making sure that Fergie's next album doesn't include a "Lovely Lady Lumps (My Humps: Part II)," featuring T.I. and Keysha Cole.
I'll leave you with another gem of a quote from will.i.am, who sometimes reminds me of the Cheshire Cat in his whimsical ways of not making sense: "To say I'm just going to make records is limiting the realms of people's imaginations." But...isn't that what producing records is? "I can record in an airplane, I can record backstage in a show, at an airport lobby, in the bullet train going from Yokohama to Tokyo." Oh, okay then.
Um, okay. So that must explain why one of will.i.am's newest artists is none other than Tila Tequila.
Tila Tequila is, according to numerous sources, the most popular girl on the giant soul-sucking abyss that is MySpace. She has received over 245 million hits on her blog since first joining MySpace, and has been featured on MNSBC, Stuff Magazine, MTV's "TRL," and "Extra!," just to name a few. She's also appeared in Playboy as the "Cyber Girl of the Month," if that helps to explain anything about her popularity. She's a new breed of celebrity -- one that is born in cyberspace and makes you kind of wonder why anyone bothers to work anymore or try to find the cure for cancer.
As Tila (née Tila Nguyen), and anyone who knows her personally or has read her MySpace bio, will tell you, she's had a hard life and turned to alcohol and drugs to ease the pain. After her insane partying days, Tila decided to channel her energy into music. If you take a look at her very well-put-together MySpace page, you'll get a sample of some of her previously recorded singles. Personally, "Fuck Ya Man" grew on me, if only because it's the first song on her MySpace player, and the damn stop and pause buttons are disabled. Nevertheless, it's too soon to tell if Tila's got the singing chops to make it in this fickle business.
But a recent report suggests that she does have the gusto to make it in this cutthroat business after all. From MSN Entertainment: "I was walking to my car and these five f*cking girls drove by in an SUV and shouted, 'Are you a stripper?'" explained Tequila, who was Playboy's first Asian Cyber Girl of the Month and known for her skimpy wardrobe. "I snapped. I chased them down, blocked them with my car, got out, took a glass vase I had with me, and smashed one of the girls with it. This was during rush hour in the middle of the street, so I got out of there fast. I'm not gonna lie, it felt pretty damn good to shut her *ss up." So there isn't much remorse, but where did the anger come from? "There is a rage inside me," said Tequila (no kidding, the girl whose head got smashed would probably agree). "I grew up battling," continued the singer who was raised in a small Buddhist gated community in Houston until she was sent off to boarding school at 16. "I had to protect myself and fight for myself. I had no role models my family was pretty messed up and I had to fend for myself."
You mean, she used to rap in the mean streets of Detroit? Okay, I know what she means by "battling," but the image of Tila going up on stage to rap in a toque with a dread-locked Mekhi Phifer by her side was a better vision than a girl getting beat up with a glass vase by a 5' angry Vietnamese (and 1/4 French) girl. Daaamn. I think Tila's channeling Shannen Doherty, but in a good way, although I think Shannen would advise Tila to leave the cutting for when she's at a club -- pedestrian fights are so beneath her.
If this is what will.i.am means by "understanding the consumer," then we and Tila's 1,000,000+ fans might be on the same page. Although it's a weak attempt at capitalizing on her unrelated cyberspace popularity, it might just work in will.i.am's favour. Or maybe he should be concentrating on artists who have already proven their talents beyond putting a couple of rhymes together (not to knock Tila, but from what she's got on her MySpace, her future songs might need some producing miracles), and making sure that Fergie's next album doesn't include a "Lovely Lady Lumps (My Humps: Part II)," featuring T.I. and Keysha Cole.
I'll leave you with another gem of a quote from will.i.am, who sometimes reminds me of the Cheshire Cat in his whimsical ways of not making sense: "To say I'm just going to make records is limiting the realms of people's imaginations." But...isn't that what producing records is? "I can record in an airplane, I can record backstage in a show, at an airport lobby, in the bullet train going from Yokohama to Tokyo." Oh, okay then.
posted by Christine at
10:57 PM
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