Jay-Z and Beyoncé Set To Wed! (And other romantic news)

Item: Jay-Z and Beyoncé, one of the most private couples in the world, are set to marry next summer in a small Caribbean wedding. The couple was rumoured to have put their initial wedding plans on hold because Beyoncé wants to concentrate on her acting career. And not that she's gotten rid of the dead weig--, er, now that she's no longer a Destiny's Child, she should be busier than ever. (Her upcoming project is The Pink Panther, with Steve Martin.) The details of the wedding are still up for speculation, but at least they're not denying they're a couple anymore. Trackback the initial wedding buzz here, and the new theory here.

Item: Brad Pitt proposes to Angelina Jolie every day, that 's how smitten he is. Trackback the urgency here (scroll down for story). "Close" "sources" say that Pitt, who thankfully doesn't seem to be turned on by a vial of blood around his neck, is desperate to be married to Jolie. Jolie, on the other hand, wants to wait to be sure that Pitt is the right man to become Husband #3 (#1 being Jonny Lee Miller, #2 being Billy Bob Thornton). This report comes after a wake of wedding rumours and speculation, and the media's obsession with Pitt's legal adoption woes. Of course, if Pitt and Jolie did marry, it would save a heck of a lot of adoption paperwork.

Item: Britney and Kevin are heading to splitsville? That's what some say, while others say that the two are trying to reconcile. And others don't care for the high-drama; they're just starting betting pools with predictions of the demise. The latest word on this couple's status says that they're back together -- in fact, more "close" "sources" claim that Britney can't stand to be away from Kevin for more than a week before she starts missing his skanky ass and takes him back. The obvious questions would be: why? Is Britney involved in some sort of co-dependent relationship that will lead to years of psychotherapy? Is this relationship so dysfunctional that even Dr. Phil won't touch it? But the question for me, at the moment, is: where does Kevin stay when she kicks him out? Since he's such a broke-ass and all, I'm wondering how he raises the funds without doing an ounce of work. Because I want to know, so that I may quit my job and loft around as Kevin does. (And yes, in the tiny picture I found, Britney is indeed groping Kevin's "manly" "package." Because this is what I do on my Saturdays -- look for perverse pictures that I can post on the Internet.)

Item: Eminem and his estranged ex-wife, Kim Mathers, have reconciled and might remarry. Trackback the love here. I don't know how tall Eminem and Kim are, but in this picture she does tower a good foot and a half over him. I digress, because the point is that Eminem has chronicled his life and times with Kim on all his albums, ad naseum, so I hope that this reconciliation doesn't soften the rapper to Will Smith proportions. Some of Eminem's stuff sucks, yes, but I've always felt that his hatred for Kim has often driven him to genius artistic proportions. What will become of his music once he and Kim rekindle their love? At least there's always Ja Rule for inspiration.

Item: Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are set to star in "El Cantante." It's a real movie, I swear. Trackback the IMDB listing here. The real-life couple will also be portraying a real-life couple, Hector Lavoe and his lady love, Puchi (which is the cutest name ever, no?). Jennifer Lopez is also producing the film, which explains a lot. Now that everyone's asserted that there's only one person in this couple who can actually sing, it'll remain to be seen if the same can be said for acting. Although Anthony has had a lot of acting experience already, most notably in Carlito's Way and Man on Fire, will he be able to keep up with his wife? I mean, she did play Selena. But she was also in Anaconda and Gigli, so I won't be too hard on Anthony.

Off to curse at some snow,

Christine