It's Wacky Tom Cruise Thursday! (And other non-sensical news)

Item: Previously normal-seeming Tom Cruise has been romancing young starlet Katie Holmes. And unless you've taken an oath of silence somewhere up in the mountains, you already know this. Trackback the glorious highlights here.

Lately, boyfriend (who shall forever be known as Ben in this blog, as that is his name) and I have been taken up the fanatical sport of limerick-composing. To kill the lulls during work, we'll e-mail each other in complete limerick prose. I know -- we are so cool. And now you know Reason #432 of why I oftentimes refer to myself as crazy.

So while I was sitting in the waiting room, twiddling my thumbs until my doctor could grace me with her presence, I have composed my ode to Tom & Katie. Ahem. Here goes (note: to avoid painful bouts of experimental poetry, scroll down to the next item):

There once was a man named Cruise
Who apparently had a few screws loose
He fought against the Thetans
And claimed psychologists were heathens
Which makes made me suspect substance abuse

There once was a girl from the Creek
Who was shy, demure, and meek
She fell in love with a tiny man
Who surely had diabolical plans
And now she too is wacky, so to speak

It is painfully clear that I need to work on my limericking skills. But there is someone who makes fun of Tom Cruise way better than anyone I've ever seen. Trackback the Tom-bashing here.

There once was a show called "Rock Star: INXS"
The show, it tried to be a great success
But no one was paying attention
To give this badly designed show prevention
From getting panned by the audience and press

Trackback the slow ride to cancellation here.

Item: Scarlett Johansson fights back. She accuses producers of the box office flop, The Island, of "passing the buck" and not taking more responsibility for their role in the film's demise. She is steadfast in defending her performance in the film. As website By The Numbers reports, this sci-fi thriller "managed just $12.4 million [in its initial week] in more than 3,000 theaters. To put that in perspective, that's $4 million less than what Catwoman opened with during the same weekend last year and that film was widely regarded as a huge bomb." Damn, that's cold. Trackback the failure here.

Some might think Johanssen is trying to redeem her career before her "It Girl" status is dimpled away by Rachel McAdams for good. But since we never heard a peep from her regarding Eight Legged Freaks, it's safe to assume that Johanssen is just trying to prove that she can still act with a bad script. Which is true most of the time.

In other Johanssen news, she's rumoured to be dating the co-star of her latest project, Josh Hartnett. Trackback the sordid details here. Seems the two have been getting cozy on the set of the noir murder-mystery The Black Dahlia. If you know the real life story of The Black Dahlia murder, then you might agree that finding time to be sexy surrounded by such a gruesome story is next to impossible. Trackback the details of the film here.

As you recall, Johanssen dated actor Jared Leto, who dated one of the Olsen gremlins after hooking up with Cameron Diaz, who is now punching out photographers with the love of her life, Justin Timberlake. Justin Timberlake used to go with Britney Spears, who is now married to Kevin Ferderline, who was actually serious when he proposed his prepostorous idea of calling their yet-unborn son Kevin, Jr.

Item: One-hit-wonder Vanilla Ice puts out a new album. Trackback the greatest comeback ever here. And speaking of white rappers, Eminem is hospitalized for "exhaustion," which is a diplomatic way of saying sleeping-pill addiction. Trackback the dependency here.

Of the former, I will say that Vanilla Ice has drastically changed his tune since appearing on "The Surreal Life." On the show, Ice repented for his former bad-boy rapper ways and wanted to be known by his birth name, Robert van Pumpernickel. After winning his round on "Hit Me Baby One More Time," Ice seems to be keen on returning to fame and fortunes. Of course, the audience voting on "Hit Me Baby One More Time" were old enough to remember "Ice, Ice, Baby." Will today's youth be as receptive of someone named VANILLA ICE? I can't wait for the 50 Cent feud that is sure to arise.

Of the latter, I will say that picking on Mariah Carey can take a lot out of you.

Item: Memoirs of a Geisha is set to open in December. The film, based on latest book to receive the Hollywood treatment, is helmed by Rob Marshall and stars Ziyi Zhang (the actress formerly known as Zhang Ziyi) as the titular geisha. See why I'm so happy here.

Nitpicks aside, like the fact that 99% of the cast is not Japanese and Ziyi Zhang is, in fact, not the only Asian actress in the world besides Lucy Liu, I have been looking forward to the film since the announcement that it had been retrieved from studio limbo. It's one of my favourite books, and although the story can become maudlin or predictable at times, it's very well written. Trackback my complete thoughts on the book here.

I was also very pleased to see that her co-star from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Michelle Yeoh, is also starring. Yeoh is about ten times sexier than Zhang, but that's for another post. Also here to brighten my day is Ken Watanabe, the samurai from The Last Samurai, and the weird mountain guy from Batman Begins. In Memoirs of a Geisha, Watanabe is the elusive Chairman, the man who sends Sayuri's heart a-blazing. Watanabe can be the chairman of my board anytime, if you know what I mean.

Giving you a knowing look,
Christine